GTO: Great Teacher Olivia, or Gaijin Teacher Otaku

Act 2, Scene 1, Part 1
Outside of a karaoke parlor.  Late night.
Cue “Tsuzuku Sekai” (#6) as lights come up.  Enter OLIVIA, DAISUKE, and TSUKASA, completely trashed.  English lighting.  Fade to quieter volume when DAISUKE starts speaking.

DAISUKE
Didn’t Ichi say that the taxi would be here in 15 minutes?  This much time has past.  (Tries to hold up fingers signifying 30 minutes)

TSUKASA
Where did the idiot run off to?

OLIVIA
You know, your English is as good as Dai-chan’s when you’re drunk. He probably picked up some of the girls in the room next to us.

DAISUKE
Well, we’ve got a cuter girl here.  You should wear make-up more.

OLIVIA
Nah, too much work.  Mike-chan helped me out.

TSUKASA
How’re you able to buy a brand name—I mean, name brand dress?  And the purse too.

DAISUKE
I gave it to her.

OLIVIA
You’re Coach-san?!  Stop music.  </i>(Stands back and stares at DAISUKE.)</i>  Actually, now that I’m drunk, I can see the resemblance.  So are you, like, in love with me or do you continuously send expensive presents to everyone who has saved your life?

DAISUKE
I’d be in love with you if I didn’t have feelings for Shizuka, a girl I fell for when I was 10.  She was 18 back then so really I never had a chance.  I only kept sending gifts because you kept sending me things.  But you are cute.

TSUKASA
So does this mean I still have first dibs on Olivia-chan?  Because I fell in love with you the day you slapped me.  I’ve kind of liked you because you were different.

OLIVIA
Then why were you such a jerk to me?  Why are you a jerk to everyone?

TSUKASA
Because I grew up with no father and a mother who loved money more than her kids.  The only nice person was my sister, who always put me in my place.  You kind of remind me of her, and in a sick twisted way, that’s why I like you.

OLIVIA
You should see a shrink.  But I’m pretty bad myself for wanting to like you guys ‘cause you were cute.  That’s why I got so mad.  Hey, did Ichiro come back with a friend?  Because I see four people now.  Hey, I’m really close to Tsukasa…

OLIVIA passes out into TSUKASA’s arms and they accidentally kiss.  We hear a car horn honk.  It’s the taxi.  DAISUKE helps TSUKASA pick up OLIVIA and make there way to it.

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 1, Part 2
Cyberspace.
Enter NARRATOR OTAKUS with their laptops. Otaku lighting

AMERICAN OTAKU
An update from GundamGirl86, finally!  "昨日宴会があって今やばい二日酔(ふつかよ)い中。あたし、酔いやすいといっても全部覚えてるよ。お酒もカラオケもやりまくった、やばいパーティーだった。" (Typing) Drunken Japanese teachers singing karaoke… ROFLcopter.

[“I have a huge hangover from last night’s enkai.  Even though I get drunk easily, I remember everything that happens.  It was a crazy party with lots of karaoke and alcohol.”]


NEGATIVE-SAN
"明日みんなに会うのが怖い。一人がコーチさんだってことを告白しちゃったし、好きだと言ってた。（前の彼女を忘れようとしているだろう。）もう一人にも告白されちゃった。何か意識が完全になくなる前はけっこう顔が近かった覚えがある。" (Typing) 同僚が言ってたことをそんなに気にしないで。お酒が入るとだれもばかを言うからね。今度そんなに飲まないように気をつけてね。

[“I am nervous about seeing the teachers tomorrow because one of them confessed to being Coach-san and kind of liking me (he’s trying to get over a girl from his past), and the other confessed his feelings too.  I remember my face being really close to his before I blacked out completely.”  Don’t take your co-workers seriously.  Alcohol makes people say dumb things.  Next time, don’t drink so much.]


GAMBATTE GIRL
(Typing) 告白って本音(ほんね)だよ！今あなたは少女漫画みたいな三角関係だよ！なんてエキサイティング！でも告白された人に対してあなたの気持ちはどうなの？

[I think their confessions are genuine.  You’re in a love triangle; this is just like a shoujo manga.  How exciting!  But what are you feelings towards the ones who confessed?]


EMOTICON MASTER
Holds up card with [ ∑(O_O；)Shock！！ ]

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 2, Part 1
Ikemen Gakuin staff room.  Morning.
F3 is moving about, getting ready for class.  Enter OLIVIA.  Japanese lighting

OLIVIA
Ohayou gozaimasu!

DAISUKE and ICHIRO
Ohayou gozaimasu!

When TSUKASA finally looks at her, he gestures that she’s late.

OLIVIA
What is he thinking?  I’m 5 minutes early.

DAISUKE
Olivia-sensei, English Elective 2C has been moved to first period today.

OLIVIA
Why?

DAISUKE shrugs and points to TSUKASA.  OLIVIA looks at him, and he glares at her.  OLIVIA exits.  DAISUKE follows but nearly runs into really nervous KAWAII KOUKOU FANGIRL 3.

DAISUKE
Can I help you?

FANGIRL 3
Ano, my name is Sato Misaki.  May I speak to Fujioka-sensei?

TSUKASA
There better be a very good reason why this high school girl is here.

ICHIRO
It’s not what you’re thinking; her mother works for my parents.  Now what do you want to tell me?

FANGIRL 3
It’s about one of the boys from the English Club.

ICHIRO
Maybe we should go somewhere private to discuss this.

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 2, Part 2
Old English room.  First period.
Enter DELINQUENTS.  Japanese lighting

DELINQUENT 1
What piece of crap script is this?  We can’t do Romeo and Juliet.  We’re all guys.

DELINQUENT 2
How much you wanna bet Olivia-sensei is a boys love fangirl?

DELINQUENT 3
Takahashi is girly enough to play Juliet.

DELINQUENT 1
You wanna kiss him?

Enter YUKI, looking pretty banged up.

YUKI
Sawada-kun has lost it.  He thinks we’ve betrayed him by joining the skit team.

Enter a pissed off KEI.  He grabs DELINQUENT 1.

KEI
I can’t believe you guys would do this to me!  I thought we were friends.

DELINQUENT 2
It’s not our fault.  Olivia-sensei showed us pictures of the Kawaii Koukou skit team.  The girls are so hot!

KEI and the DELINQUENTS start fighting.  Enter OLIVIA.  She sees the scuffle and separates the boys.

OLIVIA
Enough!  Everybody sit down and keep your hands off of each other.  Especially you, Sawada.

KEI (still standing)
I’m sick of teachers acting like they’re better than us, ordering us around, and beating up everyone.  You, me, outside, right now.

OLIVIA
How about in here, right now?

KEI rushes towards her, but she steps aside, grabs his arm, and twists it around his back.

DELIQUENT 3
Dude, did you see how fast she moved?

OLIVIA
(Goes into speech mode) I’m sick of this “I have a problem with authority because I can’t get over what happened in the past” act.  It’s so cliché.  So what if you got disqualified in a speech contest and didn’t get picked for the skit team?  That was junior high.  Grow up!

KEI
Who told you about that?

YUKI
I did, Kei.  It’s about time you stopped your vendetta against English teachers.  I know you still like English.

KEI
And how do you know that?

YUKI is about to reveal her secret when we hear DAISUKE’s voice on the intercom.

DAISUKE
Will Takahashi Yuki please come to the staff room immediately?  This is urgent.

OLIVIA (letting go of KEI)
This can’t be good.

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 2, Part 3
Ikemen Gakuin staff room.  Third period.
F3 are standing solemnly with KAWAII KOUKOU FANGIRL 3.  Enter OLIVIA, YUKI, KEI, and DELINQUENTS.  Japanese lighting

DAISUKE
I didn’t ask for the entire English Club to be here.

OLIVIA
Whatever happens to one individual affects the entire Skit Koshien team so whatever you have to say, say it in front of us.

TSUKASA (stepping forward)
This Kawaii Koukou student here says that she spotted Takahashi going into the women’s bathroom and changing into boys clothing last weekend.  Takahashi, are you female?

KEI
What kind of question is that?

YUKI (stepping forward)
Yes, I am.  And my real name is Takahashi Yukina.  I was changing so that I could meet up with the guys to talk about Skit Koshien.

TSUKASA
I demand an explanation for the masquerade.

YUKI
It’s because…because…

OLIVIA
Because she wanted to be a part of the school’s excellent English Club.

TSUKASA
Don’t make up ridiculous excuses for the student!

OLIVIA
It’s because I love Sawada Kei!  I wanted to be by his side and try to make him smile again.  Is that good enough of an answer?

DAISUKE
This does not change the fact that we cannot have a girl in an all-boys school.  It’s against the rules.  I’m sorry, Takahashi-san, but you’ll have to withdraw.  We can see if Kawaii Koukou will let you transfer. Otherwise, you have to go to Inaka Koukou.

OLIVIA
Wait, you’re going dash her hopes of being with the boy she has loved since childhood just because of some stupid technicality?  I mean, these guys are okay with Yuki being a girl, right?

She looks at the students.  KEI storms off, and the DELINQUENTS stand uncomfortably, not wanting to contradict her.

YUKI
I’ll gather my stuff and fill out the paper work.  Exits.

OLIVIA
No, I refuse to accept this.  The boys are just mad that she deceived them.  They’re still her friends.  (Goes into speech mode)  If any of you have ever fallen in love with someone, then you know the crazy things it can make you do sometimes.  Yuki was doing the only thing that she could do to express her love.  Please, don’t ruin her innocent dreams.

DAISUKE and ICHIRO look kind of guilty.  OLIVIA looks at TSUKASA.  He remains firm.

TSUKASA
She broke the rules and must face the consequences.  That is all.  Go back to class.

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 2, Part 4
On the street somewhere.  Noon-ish.
Enter KEI.  He’s a wreck from this morning.  Enter ERU from the other side.  Cue “Daite Senorita” (#7) from 0:21 when ERU enters.  Fade to quieter volume when KEI starts speaking.  Japanese lighting

KEI
Yukina, Yuki.  Kei, you’re such an idiot for not figuring it out.  But it’s been years since you’ve seen her, and it’s not like she invited you over or anything.

ERU
Ah, so Takahashi’s secret has been revealed.

KEI
You knew?

ERU
Of course.  Now, I wouldn’t walk in that direction.

KEI
Why not?

We hear angry yelling.  Enter angry GANG MEMBERS.  KEI suddenly understands.

GANG MEMBER 1
You think you can swindle us, kid, and get away with it?

ERU
What goes around comes around.  Hey Sawada, you up for a fight?

KEI
I’m always up for a fight.

Stop music.  GANG MEMBERS surround KEI and ERU and take out their weapons.  Suddenly the guys don’t look so confident.

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 2, Part 5
Ikemen Gakuin.  End of lunch.
F3 are getting ready for class when OLIVIA confronts them.  Japanese lighting

OLIVIA
What was up with this morning?

TSUKASA
Takahashi deceived everyone.  She deserved to be punished.

OLIVIA
Still, you didn’t have to force her to confess in front of everyone.  I thought you were decent guy, but maybe that’s only when you’re drunk.

TSUKASA
What did you say?!

OLIVIA
You heard me, and you remember too.

ICHIRO and DAISUKE are getting ready to hold TSUKASA back.  Cue phone ring.  DAISUKE picks it up.

DAISUKE
Ikemen Gakuin, Ferris Daisuke speaking…Are you sure they’re our students? ... Where did you see them? ... Okay.  Thank you for notifying us and the police.

ICHIRO
What’s going on?

DAISUKE
A guy said that he saw two boys wearing our school uniform getting chased by dangerous-looking men with weapons.

ICHIRO
You sure they’re from our school?  Everybody’s here except for Kurosaki.

OLIVIA
Sawada Kei!  He never came back to class.  

OLIVIA dashes out.  She almost runs over YUKI, who is carrying all her stuff.  Having heard everything, YUKI drops her stuff and follows.  TSUKASA follows.

ICHIRO
Should we follow?

DAISUKE
No, I have a feeling Olivia-sensei can take care of things on her own.

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 2, Part 6
Alley.  Afternoon.
GANG MEMBERS have beaten KEI and ERU to the ground.  Japanese lighting

GANG MEMBER 1
Serves you right for trying to fight us.

GANG MEMBER 2
But we’re not finished.  You see, we haven’t paid you back for ruining our counterfeiting scheme.

Enter OLIVIA.

OLIVIA
Not so fast!  Now drop you weapons, put your hands in the air, and step away from the students.

GANG MEMBER 3
You think we’re going to listen to some undercover cop?

OLIVIA
I’m not an undercover cop.

GANG MEMBER 4
Then why should we listen to you?

OLIVIA
Because it’s what you want to do.  (Goes into speech mode) You guys know in you hearts that listening to me is the right thing to do.  You don’t want to have to face the guilt of beating up two young men when you outnumber and outsize them.

GANG MEMBER 1
Shut up!  We’ll show you what we want to do.

Cue “Cutie Honey” (#2) from 0:18.  GANG MEMBERS close in on OLIVIA.  She fights them off, one by one.  As she finishes up the last guy, enter TSUKASA and YUKI.  They stare in shock at the bodies on the floor.  YUKI runs to KEI and ERU.  Stop music.

GANG MEMBER 2
Who the hell are you?

OLIVIA
I’m their ALT, and this is what you get for messing with my English Club.  (Looks at KEI, who stands up with YUKI’s help, and ERU, who gets up on his own.)  Do you guys need to go to the hospital?

ERU
No, we’re okay.  Just really sore.

KEI (to YUKI)
Idiot!  Do you know how much danger you would’ve been in if Olivia-sensei didn’t know karate?

YUKI
It doesn’t matter.  Kei, you were in trouble so I had to help.  Hey, does this mean you’ve forgiven me and will join the Skit Koshien team?

KEI
I’ll think about it.  Joining the team that is.  I’m still mad at you for deceiving me.

OLIVIA (to TSUKASA)
So you really do care about your students.

TSUKASA
Don’t be ridiculous.  I just wanted to get in on the action. (OLIVIA gives him a look of disbelief.)  And to see if you really knew karate.  (OLIVIA still doesn’t believe him.)  Okay, and because I wanted to make sure you weren’t in trouble.

OLIVIA
Aw, you wanted to be the hero.  That’s so sweet.

TSUKASA
Then you’ll take back what you said about me in the staff room?

OLIVIA
Only if you let Yuki stay.

TSUKASA
I’ll think about it.  But she’s still going to receive punishment for deceiving everyone.

ERU
Not all of us.

OLIVIA
Yeah, only you guys were blind enough to mistake her for a guy.  (To ERU)  You, however, are not off the hook for your extracurricular activities.  All this free time you’re suddenly going to have will be used for Skit Koshien.  I don’t care you’re swindling swindlers because it’s revenge for your family getting screwed by a con man or some sort of trauma from the past.  Seriously, everybody around here is a walking Japanese drama cliché.

ERU
Who said anything about revenge?  I was doing it because I was bored.

OLIVIA
C’mon let’s go back to school and start rehearsing.  We’re going to win Miyagi Skit Koshien.  We can do it!  (No response.)  C’mon, you’re all supposed to say, “Yes, we can” and put your fists in the air, like this.  Stop looking at me like this is stupid.  We’re supposed to reaffirm team bonds here.  Now let me hear you say.  We can do it!

YUKI, ERU, and KEI (half-heartedly)
Yes, we can.

Exeunt.


Act 2, Scene 3.
Cyberspace.  A month later.
Enter NARRATOR OTAKUS with their laptops.  Otaku lighting.

AMERICAN OTAKU
GundamGirl86 hasn’t updated her blog in a while, but it doesn’t hurt to check.  "つつもたせの事件からは少し落ち着いたけど、もちろん忙しくないわけでもない.  その生徒達がしばらく学校に来ないように言われたけど、それだけ。"

[“Things have calmed down since the crossdressing-swindling incident, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been busy.  My students were suspended for a couple of days for their actions, but that was it. ”]


NEGATIVE-SAN
"その生徒達がしばらく学校に来ないように言われたけど、それだけ。２年C組の生徒と英語部の生徒が積極的になった。スキット甲子園まであと二週間。みんな毎日よくがんばっている。「外人Teacherオタク」というタイトルはどうかと思うんだけど、きっと優勝するでしょう。" (Typing) 前はあなたのことを信じていなかったけど、やればできるみたい。よかった。

[“Now the students of the English Club are very diligent and enthusiastic.  Skit Koshien is only a couple weeks away now.  The team has been working hard everyday.  I can’t believe they made a skit called “Gaijin Teacher Otaku”, but I’m sure it’s a winner.”  I used to have no faith in you, but you proved me wrong.  Good work.]


GAMBATTE GIRL
"告白された先生の件なんだけど、あれ以来やくざから助けてくれたこと以外は何も言っていない。前より親切だし、何かよりよい先生になるように努力しているみたい。心が近づいてきているって感じ。" (Typing) なんてロマンチック！あたしにも恋に落ちちゃう敵がいたらいいのにな！

["As for the particular teacher who confessed to me, he hasn’t made any more indication of his feelings besides the one time he tried to ‘rescue’ me from the gangsters.  He is a lot nicer, and it seems like he is actually making an attempt to be a better teacher.  I feel like we’re growing closer to each other.”  How romantic!  I wish I had an enemy that fell in love with me!]


AMERICAN OTAKU
Life in Japan is teh roxor.  I wantz to be an ALT too.


EMOTICON MASTER
Holds up cards with [ (^o^)/ ] and [ (^_~) ]

Exeunt.  Cue “Kiseki” (#8).


Act 2, Scene 4
Miyagi Skit Koshien, which just ended.
MICAELA and JUDE are watching the F3 congratulate OLIVIA, YUKI, ERU, KEI, and the DELIQUENTS for taking away first place.  KEI and YUKI are holding hands.  Let “Kiseki” fade through dialogue until the song reaches 1:04.  English lighting.

JUDE
“Gaijin Teacher Otaku” was a hilarious skit.  “Stop in the name of anime, cosplay, and Japanese dramas.”  Best line ever.  That Yuki Takahashi was a riot.  I guess we were wrong about how being an otaku was going to be detrimental to our plan.

MICAELA
Yeah, but now I don’t see any progress with her and Tsukasa Fushimi.  I mean, their students have beaten them in the hooking up part.

KEI puts his arm around YUKI.  ICHIRO makes his way towards MICAELA and JUDE.  Nobody notices.

JUDE
Give them time.  If we hadn’t set them up after the enkai, they’d still be yelling at each other.  Hey, we never got to thank you for helping us execute that part of the plan.

ICHIRO
Anything to see Fushimi get a girl.  But do you think it was wise to leave Dai-chan with them, especially now that he’s gotten over Shizuka-san?  That’s going to create problems if Fushimi doesn’t get his act together and ask Olivia-chan out.

MICAELA
Don’t worry, it’ll make things more interesting in the sequel.

JUDE
There’s a sequel?  Does that mean there’s a second producing plan?  

MICAELA
Of course.

Focus on TSUKASA, DAISUKE, and OLIVIA.  They finally notice the schemers.  Japanese lighting

OLIVIA
Why do I get the feeling that they’re plotting something?

DAISUKE
Because they’re the sneaky sort of people?  Who knows.  Hey, do you want get dinner together?

TSUKASA
Yeah, I’m starving.

DAISUKE
Um, I kind of meant just me and her.

TSUKASA
No way, you said I could have first dibs.

DAISUKE
I was drunk when I said that, and I don’t remember things when I’m drunk.

TSUKASA
The fact that you’re denying it means you remember.

DAISUKE
It’s not my fault you were too shy to ask her out. (Muttering)  At the speed you move, my grandmother would’ve gone through five boyfriends.

TSUKASA
You wanna say that again to my face?

TSUKASA shoves DAISUKE, who actually shoves him back this time.  The guys start shoving each other.  The students watch and egg them on.

OLIVIA (sighing)
I guess some things never change.

Cue “My SunShine”.  Let it run through curtain call.

THE END