This past month has been really sad. We've recently lost three great celebrities: Robin Williams, Lauren Bacall, and Arlene Martel. The Texas cosplay community lost a wonderful guy who cosplayed Aquaman (I'm sad I never got to know him). Then there are the personal losses my friends and I have endured. I've struggled with coming to terms with my grandfather's death. I didn't know him that well because he was an ocean away. At times it feels like I spent more of my childhood with Robin Williams, but family is something deeper. Writing helped me arrange the thoughts and emotions, and I wound up sharing them on Rogue Group Writing. It made more sense than a facebook status update.
On Monday, I watched Dead Poets Society. Yes, it's taken me this long to sit down and watch the entire movie, and I'm glad I finally did. I connected with Neil Perry and Todd Anderson, and the film had me wondering why I hadn't been seizing the day and writing more. It also made me think about suicide. Even the people who seem as though they have it all and are enjoying can see no end to their misery but death. A while ago, I was that way, and sometimes now, I still feel hopeless.
Just take my burlesque career for example. I'm completely thrilled to have been able to attend BHoF with cool people and to perform at the San Antonio Burlesque Festival. I had so much fun. However, a part of me only focuses on the negatives related to bookings and my relationships with other dancers. It's the part of me that feels like a fraud; I get a similar feeling with writing. It's the same part of me that honestly believes I have no real friends aside from my partner.
I know that's not the case, but I can't help it. The one time I forced myself to be more positive, I found it to be too much of a chore and wound up getting more depressed when I couldn't think of anything. So I embrace the darkness and let it flow through my pen/pencil/keyboard in hopes that at least something beautiful will come out of it.
Changing gears a little bit, I posted on my facebook last month that I was going to stop making new costumes as frequently. I've realized that I don't really enjoy costume construction and would rather spend my money elsewhere. I'll still dress up but no more new cosplays once TYL!Hibari and Levi are finished (unless someone wants to do a Femizons group or buy me an Advent Children Tifa cosutme). The irony is that I made the announcement the night before I participated in the Ladies of Power photoshoot, which reignited that fading spark for cosplay. Nevertheless, I'm better off cherishing what I have(the links are a countdown of my favorite costumes). Not to overshadow the excellent work of Ladies of Power, I strongly urge you to check out our Indiegogo . We really need your help to make the charity calendar a reality, and all proceeds will go to the Genesis Women's Shelter.
I'd like to end with a little shameless self-promotion. My entertainment blog posts have not been getting the love they deserve, and I really want to help out the websites. So please check out my latest contributions to them:
JRock247 - WING WORKS interview
NekoPOP - Subliminal Melody by Mio Soul review
Drama-MAX - Kuroshitsuji live-action review
Quote of the Day:
"But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, 'O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?' Answer: that you are here; that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" - John Keating, Dead Poets Society